12 minute watch

Just Ask The Broca Brothers | Episode #1

 

Have questions about stuttering? Just Ask The Broca Brothers! Episode #1.

This week it’s all about: reading out loud, good books on stuttering and controlling your nerves.

Don´t miss one episode by subscribing to the Broca Brothers channel here.

4 minute read

The act of selfishness

It’s very human to want to help those in need, it’s hard to say no to requests of people who need help. It’s the way most of us work and it’s great, helping each other out is very important, but there’s always a ‘but’.

How are you treating yourself?

Ask yourself: “how am I treating myself?”

That’s the ‘but’ right there. It’s great if you want to be there for others no matter what, but are you treating yourself well? Are you doing what’s important for you? When you’re looking to overcome stuttering there are times that you will have to put yourself first. And as you will learn as you read further, this is not a selfish act but an act that will benefit not only you but also those around you who might need your help.

You have to put yourself first so you can treat yourself well. It means putting yourself in front of everything and everybody, even your kids. To explain this statement I’m copy-pasting an email conversation I had with Peter, who enrolled in our online course while he just became a father of a newborn girl. I asked him how he was doing.

Insert email conversation.

Peter:

I’m well. I’m beginning to find more balance to get more free time with my family. Just played with my daughter for an hour, she’s now 8 weeks old and is doing super well. Daddy reads stories every day, great way to convince myself that I can be a fluent speaker. Further I’m looking to diminish obligations I don’t get much out of. More focus on less stuff.

Speaking is going fairly well with a small relapse every now and then. I do notice that I keep having trouble not to become frustrated. Another thing is that I find it difficult to be consistent. Because of emotions, ego and not always finding the time to practice daily there are still moments I’m not satisfied about. It’s hard to let go at those moments.

Hille:

Hi Peter,

I really love this particular goal you set for yourself during the online course: “being confident and able to arrange everything for my newborn daughter in every speaking situation.”

I’m guessing this goal could mean the difference between feeling motivated and not finding the time to practice daily. You have to remember yourself why you’re doing this in the first place. Personally I find this goal you set really inspiring and you might want to take this goal even further, not just how you’re handling yourself in speaking situations but beyond that.

Young children will benefit big time from parents who are strong, focused and firmly grounded. You should not forget how much children unconsciously learn from you when they see you taking charge, taking care of yourself, improving yourself and becoming more at ease, focused and confident through that process.

If I had a kid, but that’s very personal and doesn’t mean you have to think like this, to be a positive role model to him or her would be my ultimate motivation. To make sure my kids learn positive personality traits through me. And it turns out that all this can be achieved by working on your stutter.

Let me know what you think, not sure this message will resonate with you but I’m guessing it will.

Peter:

Hi Hille,

Wow!!! I’ve read your email yesterday and it really hit home with me. Thanks for this reaction!!! Been rereading it a couple of times yesterday to let it really sink in. What a wonderful insight and I’m certain this is going to help me.

Back to the blog

Finding it hard to put yourself first.

If you have trouble putting yourself first you probably let other people decide what to do, often following other people’s lead or opinions, not speaking up when you have something to say, having a hard time saying no to things or dropping all personal things when something asks for your time.

It’s obvious that you want to take care of your children or whoever needs your help. But understand that you have to take care of your own needs first. We often feel that we can’t put ourselves first when someone else needs our help, but we’ve got it all wrong. It should actually be very easy to put ourselves first because doing that will result in you being of better help to others.

James Hollis, author and Jungian analyst, puts it well in his book The Eden Project: “the quality of all our relationships is a direct function of our relationship to ourselves. The best we can do for our relationships with others is to render our relationship to ourselves more conscious.

This is not a narcissistic activity. In fact, it will prove to be the most loving thing we can do for the other. The greatest gift to others is our own best selves. Thus, paradoxically, if we are to serve relationship well, we are obliged to affirm our individual journey.”

Set personal boundaries.

I’m writing this blog because oftentimes we hear excuses why people are not finding the time to work on their stutter, and the most common are: family obligations, friends over at their house or helping out someone else. These excuses are the result of inadequate boundary setting and dropping all personal needs to be there for others.

Your friends, your family or someone else can wait. You can draw a line and say: hey, I’m going to take an hour to take care of myself first, and then I’m all yours. When you do this boundary setting you will feel better, in control, more confident and more at ease after you’ve done what you have to do for yourself. And the time you now get to spend with your friends and family will be of a higher quality and everybody will benefit from that. It’s a win-win situation when you put yourself first. You’ll feel good about yourself for taking responsibility for your own needs and then you can make others feel good too.

Working on overcoming your stutter can become a process in which you aim for becoming your best self and through that be an inspiration and role model to others, even if they do not stutter.

It is our belief that you have to help yourself first before you can help others. That’s why we have taken 4 years to crush our own stutter before we decided to help others with theirs.

No more excuses.

For those who think ‘I have to be there for others’ is an excuse not to work on their own stuff, it should be clear that those days are over now. Help yourself first, because you’re worth it and everybody around you will benefit from it. Take that time every day to crush your stutter, to crush your struggles. Everybody will respect you for it and when you know how to handle your own struggles you will understand how to handle others’. They will thank you for taking care of yourself first.

Put yourself first from today on.

Hille

4 minute read

THE SELF-DECEPTION SERIES: “I CAN’T DO THIS.” (3 OF 3)

In this article series I will talk you through the three-part barrier you have to crush in order to reach your fluent potential and become your best self: self-deception. 

The first part of the series is about being honest to yourself. Click here if you haven’t read it yet. The second part of the series is about being courageous. Click here for the article. If you haven’t read both articles yet, I would advise you to do so before you move on with this third and last article.

The third and last step

Once you are honest to yourself that change is needed, have the courage to step up and get what you want, your mind is in the right place to realize that change.

The only thing that can stop you from becoming a fluent speaker is stopping before you tried. This third article of the series will tackle that last part of the self-deception barrier: keeping on and pushing through.

“I can’t do this.”

You want to become a fluent speaker, but can you do it? Ask yourself that question. Do you have the physical and mental means to overcome your stutter?

When answering that question, you’re probably thinking about what other people told you about overcoming your stutter. Chances are that you’ve been told that your stutter is only manageable and therefore you have to accept it as a part of you.

The obvious answer to being able to overcome your stutter would then be “No, I can’t do that.”

But let me ask you a question again. What is that thought based on? On other people’s stories or on your own experience? If you think you can’t do it, there are three possible reasons for coming to that conclusion. I will describe them one by one.

1. Stories from other people

People have been telling you that you can’t become a fluent speaker. Either because no one can or that you just don’t have it in you. If this is you, I only have one thing to say, which by the way also applies to many other situations: try it out yourself. The living proof of people who stutter being able to become fluent speakers has written the words of the article you’re reading right now. Don’t come to conclusions if you haven’t even tried yourself.

Sure, becoming 100% fluent might be difficult. But we at Broca Brothers are certain that you can become 95% fluent to the point that no one around you notices that you have a stutter.

Having crushed this negative belief that is spread around in the stuttering community, only one thing remains: doing the damn thing.

2. Trying without the necessary steps and commitment

There’s also the possibility that you have tried but didn’t get the results you wanted. Chances are that you didn’t follow the right steps or carry them out long enough, for example practising your speech at home for months but not practising it in the outside world or pushing yourself to talk to strangers but only doing it for a week. If this is you, you have to try harder and be smarter. Do the things that are required and keep doing them for multiple months.

3. Trying with the necessary steps and commitment

You’ve done everything that is needed to be done and you didn’t become more fluent. Sorry, but unless you stutter because of a head injury or the like, you’re lying to yourself and you are the perfect example of someone who needs to crush the self-deception barrier.

Slow and steady wins the race

The point of this article is that after you have decided on your needs for change, I want you to get out there and act on those needs, without the limiting beliefs that other people put in your head.

If you fail to overcome your stutter, it’s because you don’t take right action for the right amount of time. Not because you can’t do it.

Because big results don’t come quick. Realize that before giving up. One of our favourite sayings at Broca Brothers is “Everything that’s worth getting does not come easy.”. Do you want to achieve something? Then you have to work for it.

Whether you want to become a fluent speaker, graduate from your studies or get a fit and healthy body, time and effort has to be put in. There are no shortcuts.

Crushing your stutter doesn’t happen overnight. There might be some changes in speech after a couple of weeks or even days, but to mold those changes into a strong and lasting habit of fluent speech, multiple months of work are needed.

Not for everyone

Some people just can’t seem to do it. They don’t have the willpower and discipline to get what they want and do what is necessary. And that’s just fine. It’s not for everyone. Not everyone is able to keep going despite the hard and difficult moments.

But if you’ve been following us for some time and reading this article, I’m sure you are. You’re at the right place to overcome your stutter.

The only thing that can stop you now is saying that you can’t do it.

Try before you die

I want you to try to become a fluent speaker. But I want you to try with purpose. Try with dedication. I want you to try with the faith that change will occur if you put in time and effort.

You know you need it, you know you want it and now you know you can do it. You’re honest. You’re courageous. You’re dedicated. The self-deception barrier is crushed. There’s no stopping you. Go out there and grab that life full of fluency and expressiveness.

Are you not sure where to start when overcoming your stutter? We built a FREE 10-step program to kickstart your fluency. Downloadable here.

Have fun crushing it,

Stuart

4 minute read

6 Things You Should Start Using Today To Overcome Your Stutter Faster

If you’re already in the process of, or thinking of working on your stutter, I want you to implement these next 6 steps immediately to make sure you get the most out of your efforts. I don’t think that without these steps you will be able to get real and lasting change. Let me know in the comments what you think of it. Enjoy reading.

1: Write down your goals.

Write down your goals and start with ´long´ term. What is it that you want to achieve in a year from now? Who do you want to become? What kind of person would you like to be? How would that person interact with the world around him or her? Be very specific about it: at ease in most social situations, 95% fluent speaker, feel confident whenever I speak? Contemplate on this for a little while.

2: Write down steps towards your goals.

These have to be small baby steps! Write down what you can do today that will take you one step towards one of your goals. Then from now on take one step each day towards one of your goals, it is very easy and effective. Focus on what you can do today and before you know it you’re in an upward spiral. Ask yourself everyday: “what can I do today to reach …?”

3: Reflect.

Every evening when you come home reflect on the steps you took. Write down three things you did great today and write down three things you could do differently tomorrow.

Becoming aware of what you’re doing is one of the keys to success. Without honest reflection you will get nowhere. Without it you are likely to make the same mistakes over and over again, you become frustrated and you stop and you might develop the belief that you will never be fluent.

If you can make reflecting a habit of yours then you’re in the winning game.

4: Tell others that you’re working on your speech.

Telling others will do two things:

One, it takes off the pressure because you will notice it is not as a big deal to others as it is to you. And second, you will get support. Most people will cheer you on and you will get energy out of it to continue. Enough said.

5: Focus on small changes and positivity.

In addition to number 2 and 3, you have to focus on the small changes that you’re making, become excited about it and get your positivity out of that.

Look at it this way: what if you’re becoming more fluent 1% every day? How is your speech, character and life going to look like in 2 months, 6 months or even a year? I can assure you: people won’t recognize you anymore. You will talk their heads off.

6: Find someone who can support you.

Find someone who can support you, and preferably someone who has walked in your shoes and knows what you’re up against. And it might be that we have exactly that what you need.

We know what you are going through, Stuart and I stuttered for almost two decades each. We experienced all the shame, the bullying, the frustration, the not ordering a Coke because the k-sound is just way too difficult to pronounce and what not. That’s why we’re writing blogs, shooting videos and creating cool content.

We want you to have this: if you want to develop a positive perspective on overcoming your stutter, confidence, motivation and momentum do yourself a favor and try this next thing out. It’s something we created the past few weeks and we are very excited about the possibilities for you to get a lot of value out of it.

Go here to learn about Kick Start Your Fluency and get yourself a free copy.

Hille

 

3 minute read

The Self-Deception Series: “I don’t want this.” (2 of 3)

In this article series I will talk you through the three-part barrier you have to crush in order to reach your fluent potential and become your best self: self-deception. 

In the first part of the series I talked about the first step in crushing the self-deception barrier: being honest to yourself. If you haven’t read it yet I would strongly recommend to do so before you move on. Click here for part one.

The second step

Once you can be honest to yourself and realize that change is the way to go, other success barriers will cross your path. This second article of the series will aim to tackle the second part of self-deception: putting your intentions into actions.

Once you have decided that you want to become a fluent speaker, it’s time to take action. Saying that you want to change is one thing, acting on it is another. Even though you’ve set your sights on change, your mind might still try to stop it.

The comfort zone

Your mind will try to keep you from change in the form of fear and anxiety. Most of those anxieties arise when you perceive a potential action as being outside of your comfort zone. You’re not used to doing it and therefore you’re not sure what’s going to happen. What follows is your mind perceiving that situation as dangerous.

A common example. When you want to become more confident and relaxed in social situations, you have to show yourself that those situations aren’t scary. One way of doing that is to talk to strangers and prove to yourself that those situations pose no threat.

You’ve been honest to yourself and set a new goal. You’re out on the streets, ready to dive into the unknown and talk to strangers, asking for directions or complimenting them on their outfit.

All these people walking past you and you feel the tension rising. You’re becoming nervous and your breathing becomes shallow. “What if they dont like me?”, “What if they will laugh at me?”, “What if they don’t have time to speak to me?”.

It’s a trap

This is where it gets tricky. You start questioning yourself. “Is this really what I want?”. To answer that question you listen to your thoughts and feelings, potentially negative ones.

Your mind comes up with thousands of excuses. Your body is tensed. Nervous, insecure and scared. Your conclusion is as destructive as “I don’t need this.”:

“I don’t want this.”

“I dont feel like doing this so I guess I don’t want it.”

Wrong!

Nonsense. Lies. Self-deception. Do you remember when you were sitting on your couch or lying in your bed and you decided that you want to overcome your stutter? That you don’t want to be controlled by your stutter any longer?

Indeed. You do want it. And you want it badly.

Deceitful fears

Those fears just make it seem like you don’t. But you know better. You know that this is the right course of action. You know that this will get you closer to your goals. You know that this will crush your stutter.

In the face of fear you have to realize what you’re doing it for. Being true to yourself and having the courage to break through those fears.

Courage, Hille wrote a whole article about it, is the second piece of the puzzle. Once you’ve been honest to yourself and set a new goal, you need to act on it. Having faith in yourself that you will pull through and carry out the action successfully. Doing what you know is right while ignoring the social pressure that is put upon you.

Courage is pushing through despite all the tension because you know what’s best. It’s staying calm and collected with your goal in mind. Fighting your anxieties and trying to supress them will not help you. You have to be mindful and accepting toward them. It’s all part of the game.

Shaky knees

I remember when I talked to a stranger on the streets for the first time. I will never forget that feeling. I texted Hille and some friends of mine. I’ve been thinking about it for months and I finally did it. My legs kept shaking for 15 minutes after the conversation.

It set me free. I felt like I owned the streets. I realized that I’m able to do anything at anytime I want. My stutter didn’t control me anymore.

All it took was a little honesty and courage. And I know you can do it too. Don’t wait for the right moment where you dont feel anxious. Because that moment will not come. Those fears will be there. And that’s totally fine. But every time you choose to not do something because you’re scared, you will reinforce those fears and they will control you more and more. Don’t choose fear, choose growth.

Honesty was the first piece. Courage is the second. The third and last piece to crush the self-deception barrier and rise to your full potential will be revealed next time. Don’t miss out on it by joining our thriving and hard-working community here.

May the courage be with you and your stutter be crushed,

Stuart